What story do you tell yourself?
When I first started on my path to improvement, there was a common problem that held me back every time I tried to improve…
This roadblock was simply the story I had created for myself. My subconscious thoughts that popped in my head throughout the day, every moment, every good or bad issue, everything… The story you tell yourself in these situations determine your outcome.
We all have them… and they are the driving force to your misery or your glory.
When I was younger, I had a great inner story. My parents were excellent at showing me I am capable of anything and I felt that way throughout my life.
As my dad would always say, “We are Petelles. We can do anything better than anyone.”
This story is obviously exaggerated a bit and it gave me a bit of a cocky attitude towards life, but still on the right side of things. Because I believed this, my accomplishments throughout my young life were plenty. I was good at academics, sports, girls, people, and all that important stuff when you’re 16.
My world was much smaller at the time though and becoming king with your own internal story is easier the smaller pond you swim in.
Then college came around and I was thrown into the reality of life. I didn’t have the constant encouragement to help keep my story where it should be. I was finally in the real world where I was the only one in control of my internal story.
This is when my story started to fade. Not that college wasn’t great and I wasn’t accomplishing achievements throughout those years… It was more about what went through my mind when things didn’t pan out that caused the most damage…
Negativity… even when you just think negative words… can have a GIGANTIC impact on your subconscious.
So if I got rejected by a woman, didn’t get the job I was hoping for, or didn’t have enough money to pay rent on time, the negativity grew inside.
Do you ever use these words when THINKING about yourself?
Just by thinking these words in your phrases, you are adding a negative mark in your subconscious and your subconscious doesn’t know any better than to believe the words coming into its realm.
Trust me when I say, the majority of us think negative things MANY MORE times throughout the day than we do positive.
This negativity doesn’t affect us instantly, but it builds upon each mark. Just like if you’re trying to lose weight. You can’t just shed all 40 pounds in one day… you have to put in your day to day work to lose that weight effectively over a few months.
This is the same way your subconscious works. The longer you allow your negative thoughts to build, the more they are your every day story.
Throughout college and the few years after, I didn’t have a realization of this fact. I allowed my negative thoughts to grow and I just started to assume this is the life that ‘was given to me’.
The other day, I shared with you my story of demise and the dark years of my life. Why do you think I got to this point? And more importantly, why do you think I was stuck there for almost 2 years?
Because my story was so overly negative from the previous year of growth in the wrong direction, it was impossible for me to pop right out of the bottom. I had to start working on my story to improve.
It wasn’t until I moved back to Nashville that I started to realize this and put it into play in my life.
I began to realize when I subconsciously thought negative words and I replaced them with positive… even if I was criticizing myself, I would phrase it in a positive way… the way I wanted to be.
I came up with a very simple and easy mantra that I began to use on a regular basis as well. I would simply say this to myself throughout the day…
“Calm, Confident, In Control”
At this time, I was just starting to get my finances back on track and my personal life needed a swift kick in the ass. So, I was very focused on getting back in the dating scene and getting my friend circle back to the standard I had in my happier days. This mantra completely explained the persona I was trying to be and portray.
The biggest negative marks in my mind were when it came to approaching strangers and the ladies. Remember at this time, I had very little going for me as an adult… and this is exactly what my subconscious story was inside. In reality, I was a great catch compared to most people out there and there was nothing for me to fear… but that’s not what I told myself so it’s not what I believed.
Then I started to use this “Calm, Confident, In Control” mantra. When I woke up, I said the mantra… when I walked to Starbucks to start working, I said the mantra… when I felt fear start to rise inside, I said the mantra…
It went like this every day. Like I mentioned, the story didn’t change immediately… but over time, it began to ring truer and truer.
As things start to go better for you, it becomes so much easier to see the impact of these small every day practices… and this one has become my go to.
Today, I still use this mantra and it has an overwhelming effect. I can literally feel the changes in my body.
When I repeat this phrase in my head now, I can feel my shoulders pull back and my spine straighten… I can feel my chin raise to be parallel with the ground… I can feel my mouth begin to make a smirky smile… I can feel my heart rate lower and a sense of calm go through my body.
I can literally feel myself become CALM, CONFIDENT, and IN CONTROL.
The key to controlling your subconscious isn’t just the mantra and the words you tell yourself… but it’s truly about how much you believe this story. The repetitive nature I used to pound it in my subconscious turned me into a believer and that I have never realized more so than today…
I woke up this morning with an absolute beauty next to me. She rolled over with her head on my shoulder and her fingers playing with my chest hair. Then she said something that gave me chills when she said it…
Her exact words were… “Travis, I don’t know what it is about you, but you have this calm confidence that you don’t see often. It’s like you are in complete control.”
This woman has never heard me say my mantra… I’ve never shared it with her… but still yet, I portrayed my story through who and what I am in every day life.
Now, that’s what I call powerful stuff.
So for all those that hit me up looking for the secrets to getting out of your rut in life… I would say, it starts with your story.